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<-----No More Beetle :(
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Discussion Starter #1
I always loved these...they crack me up.
If you know of a variety of poop that I missed..please feel free to post it! :hurl:

This isn't very tasteful but what the hell!!

THE GHOST POOP--The kind where you feel poop come out, see poop on the toilet paper, but there's no poop in the bowl.

THE CLEAN POOP--The kind where you feel poop come out, see poop in the bowl, but there's no poop on the toilet paper.

THE WET POOP--You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and on underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE POOP--This poop happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poop some more.

THE BRAIN HAEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOP--Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poop". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN POOP--No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG POOP--The kind of poop that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER POOP--The kind of poop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOP" POOP---The kind where you want to poop, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS POOP--Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID POOP--That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD POOP--A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER--This poop is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER--This poop occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL--This poop occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POOP--A poop so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK POOP--This poop has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOP--This is any poop created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER--A poop so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER--Characterized by its floatability, this poop has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER--A poop which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM POOP--This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO POOP--Now you see it, now you don't. This poop is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL--A poop that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poop (i.e.. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooping facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER--A long skinny poop which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC POOP--This poop occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poop.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOP--This poop may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POOP--An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poop.

PREMEDITATED POOP--Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

POOZOPHERENIA--Fear of pooping - can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs. DURACEL POOP--Also known as a "Still Going" poop.

THE POWER DUMP POOP--The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOP--This kind of poop is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poop.)

THE SPINAL TAP POOP--The kind of poop that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY Bum POOP--Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poops. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE POOP--The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
(a) flush and keep gong, or
(b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOP--When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOP--When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POOP--Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POOP--Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

I'm really not infatuated with poop...it's just so damn funny!!!!
 

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<-----No More Beetle :(
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18,312 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Fowvay said:
The Transformer: This is where you push and push and you just know its going to be a "Lincoln log" and all there is in the bowl is a tiny pathetic little pebble. This also works in reverse.
:rotfl:
 

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Premium Member
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Thought of another one :lol:

The Jolly Green Giant: This usually occors after eating way too much of a green vegtable. It's stunning appearance usually makes you want to show it off to your spouse or leave it in the bowl for others to admire at thier leisure.

Kool Aid: This is like the Jolly green Giant but instead its purple or someother florescent color. Like the JGG you want people to admire this one as well. :D
 

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Premium Member
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756 Posts
The Cheat said:
I should have known...

You two kids and your poop. :)
My four year old doesn't talk about poop as much as Amy does... and it seems like he talks about it constantly! ;) :D :lol: :rotfl:
 

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<-----No More Beetle :(
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Discussion Starter #7
Steinola said:
My four year old doesn't talk about poop as much as Amy does... and it seems like he talks about it constantly! ;) :D :lol: :rotfl:
Hey...it's the one thing I can count on..day in and day out. It's the one constant that I have in my life. :rotfl:
 

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<-----No More Beetle :(
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18,312 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Fowvay said:
Wow that is one long poop... maybe you should eat some cheese to gum up the works a little bit.. :eek:
MMM Cheese!!! I had some cheese yesterday!! String cheese!!!
Got any cheese?
 

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Premium Member
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Wait... just how does Darth Vader poop in that suit?!? ;)
Or... for that matter... eat??

Or does being half-machine somehow expounge one of the frivilous things like bodily functions?
 

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Banned
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Well... I'm glad you asked. Eating, no problem. He's got his big Mork and Mindy room that he sits in (Empire Strikes Back), and he can take his mask off in there to eat. As for pooping, I think he has a hatch in the rear that opens up. Now, if he were in Star Trek he could just beam it out. Of course he may not be able to poop anymore, and that would explain why he's upset all the time.
 

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Poopship Destroyer
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O&a

This morning on The Opie and Anthony Show they are discussing their upcoming photo competition. Guess what it is? Poopy!

They are trying to have a contest or something to see who can have the "best"(?) poopy. Might have audio of it on their website later, not sure.

John
 

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<-----No More Beetle :(
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Discussion Starter #16
FineExampl said:
This morning on The Opie and Anthony Show they are discussing their upcoming photo competition. Guess what it is? Poopy!

They are trying to have a contest or something to see who can have the "best"(?) poopy. Might have audio of it on their website later, not sure.

John

OMG!! LOL
I can't listen to poopy..and no visuals please! Thats where I draw the line. Talkin about it is one thing... :hurl:
 

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Poopship Destroyer
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Saw this and thought of Amy

"Big Piece Of Poop" Withdraws From Mayoral Race

POSTED: 7:47 am EDT October 20, 2005

VICTORIA, British Columbia -- Mr. Floatie, a community activist who dresses up in a feces costume to decry the pumping of raw sewage into the waters off British Columbia's capital, has withdrawn his name as a candidate for mayor.

"Of course I'm not a real person," Skwarok said earlier this week. "I'm a big piece of poop."

Skwarok was not available for further comment.

Mr. Floatie has become a regular sight at public gatherings.

He passes out pamphlets drawing attention to Victoria's practice of pumping sewage directly into the Juan de Fuca after only a screening to remove solids.

Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
 

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<-----No More Beetle :(
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Discussion Starter #19
omg! WEIRDO!


I was watching TV last night and I saw a commercial about switching to natural gas for your home. The # to call was 1-877-I've Got Gas LOL
 

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Good-bye Curby...
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CyberGreenBaby said:
OMG!! LOL
I can't listen to poopy..and no visuals please! Thats where I draw the line. Talkin about it is one thing...
agreed. i can discuss it for days, but no pictures, please. ugh.

why are we so poo-centered amy? :p
 
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