Newbie trying to make lemonade

Hey all! Im new to the beetle owners club, and am looking for some serious help.... I recently acquired a 99 2.0 automatic beetle....wish it was a turbo 5spd but oh well lol... Was going to buy it but when I went to get it we couldn't get it running. Long story short previous owner didn't want to invest a single penny into it so he decided that if I could get it out of his driveway I could have it.... My lucky day! That's the good news, now the bad.... I will try to give as many details as possible.... WARNING, IM LONG WINDED...lol

"Santa" (previous owner) says the car was parked for almost 3 years. The car was parked because it leaked water into the car and Ms. Claus didn't appreciate the humidity in the car? Plus the a/c went out and it developed a coolant leak. The coolant issue was fixed allegedly but the bad rep of the car caused it to be parked. Santa says he drove it a couple times in those three years (when he moved) but mostly it sat unused. When he tried to start it he got nothing, assuming it was a dead battery he put it to charge. I went the next day to try and get it running but basically the car does nothing when the key is turned. Today I played with it for a couple hours to see if I could coax it start with no avail. The battery is good. The head lights come on when the key is turned. The horn works etc etc so I'm pretty sure it's not the battery. I checked all the fuses when I realized the I wasn't hearing the fuel pump when the ignition was switched on, and every single fuse is good. (although quite a few of them had some white corrosion on them, I scraped/sanded them before putting them back in). Then I moved on to the relay panel with the help of google (which led me to this amazing forum btw). Which was almost no help to me since I don't know what to do with relays....lol but on the upside removing the fuel relay and putting it back in kicked the fuel pump on for a couple seconds like when they key is turned... Since I am stumped by this I figured I would see what worked in the car and what didn't to see if someone might have experienced this before. So here's the list.... Windows don't work, radio doesn't work, no lights in the dash when the key is turned, the speedo and gauges do illuminate though. Power locks work as do the trunk release and gas latch release. Emergency Flashers work but the turn signals don't and ac controls are non responding as is the sunroof controls. That's pretty much all I had time to diagnose before the mosquitoes began the dusk attack. At this point I have no idea where to look or what to check so any advice is much appreciated !!! I really need to get this car running ASAP. Sorry for the novel here but I figured the more info you guys had the better the advice can be. Thanks in advance!